Feminism & the Manosphere

By Nyles Pollonais

Could you benefit from a different perspective? Would you be willing to engage with my understanding of a topic to maybe further your own understanding? Would you be willing to challenge me, agree, or even to dispute my ideas? I truly believe you may benefit from what I’m about to say. This article is meant to help those who are on the fence. I want to engage with people who have critically questioned some of the intentions, motives, and purposes behind many of the men in the manosphere. I am a firm believer in checking oneself when things have gone too far, and in this part of YouTube, I fear we have. Let the men whose voices challenge the mainstream speak so that we can create space for those who cannot.

The “Imperialist - White Supremacist - Capitalist - Patriarchy” 

Welcome to the Manosphere…

Have you seen the manosphere lately? It’s probably best that you haven’t — or if you have, you may be able to connect with what I’m about to discuss. Dr. Jordan Peterson, Gary Vee, AMS, Kevin Samuels (RIP), Eliot Hulse, and on and on and on. It’s a mess. But to tell you the truth, like most, I was attracted to parts of it. But why wouldn't I be? I was a young man who was raised by a single mother who had shaky male role models in his life. Wouldn’t it make sense for me to search for positive male role models and idols who weren’t dead (laughs at the idea of “positive”)? Well, I found something and for some time, I subscribed to the skulduggery. 

I was “put on” around 2018 to one of the most toxic of the group, and I never looked back. To be quite real, I thought if I had learned this guy’s tips and tricks on how to “be a man,” I would be a lot more successful and maybe a bit of my own queerness would go away —but was I wrong. A lot of these fellas discussed the importance of finding your purpose, working and focusing on building your character for yourself and those around you, and taking responsibility for yourself so you can derive a sense of pride. There is nothing inherently wrong with those ideas. In fact, some men in the manosphere are influential (Specifically, I want to shout out F.D. Signifier). Where it gets bad in some places is the intersection between dating practices, dealing with women, and a skewed idea of manhood. 

Currently, what the most popular men discuss and try to instill in the heads of young men is this broken idea of patriarchy — a sense of domination in practice and theory. And let me be very clear here: men, women, and non-binary people are equally as susceptible to the patriarchy and can perpetuate its harmful ideas. In particular, mothers, grandmothers, and aunts are equally as responsible for this as fathers, grandfathers, and uncles… and in some instances more responsible. 

As a young man of single parentage, I yearned for the answers to certain aspects of manhood, and when I found the manosphere, I thought their echo-chambered responses to be the truth. Many men do. The problem is these ideas offer a little more than some self-help. These ideas express that everything you know is incorrect and you are actually worse off than you believed. And, if you’d like to do anything about it, you’re going to have to subscribe here, purchase this, and spend money here… Besides eating better, resting, and working out, most of these ideas involve shifting your world view, harshening your demeanor, and being less empathetic to those around you. Moreover, the answer to the problem of patriarchy and misogyny is not a neo-patriarchy, just as the answer to slavery was not Jim Crow — abolition of all its forms is. Without the proper ability to “pick sense from nonsense,” anyone can be led astray in the manosphere, and that is what is most concerning. A young man looking for advice on how to ask someone on a date can end up becoming a woman-hating anti-LGBTQ incel with the help of the YouTube algorithm.

Most recently, I began to engage with the work of Dr. bell hooks. As I learned more about her work against (and within) the imperialist white supremacist capitalist patriarchy, I began to engage with her idea of feminism. Jump in this with me. I’m sure you’re familiar with the term “intersectionality,” coined by Kimberle Crenshaw. Well, as someone who thought himself to be somewhat of an intellectual, I could not for the life of me see the intersection of patriarchy in any of my critiques of the current system…or I did not want to see it. And, mind you, I knew of Malcolm X’s observation that the Black woman (and now, the Black trans woman) is the most disenfranchised by society. When I added feminism, it is almost as if everything clicked. I wouldn’t be doing Dr. hooks justice by just giving y’all a quick run through of what I think is going on here, but let’s just look at one example in relation to the manosphere: 

Patriarchy is the order of the day for these famous and controversial manosphere YouTubers. Most of their work is in response to how the patriarchy or its intersections with class, race, religion, geographic background, or socioeconomic status dealt with them. They often talk about being “the man of the house,” “making a woman do this or that,” “a high-value woman,” “being a high-value man who is well-paid,” or “upholding Judeo-Muslim-Christian values.” And while the Black YouTubers acknowledge police violence against Black men, to my knowledge, they say little about violence towards women and trans women alike. The problem is these “gurus” are not preparing young men for the world we are entering, the ones where our children and grandchildren will live.

When some men think of feminism, the “I don’t need a man, high-powered, career-driven woman” comes to mind. This idea (though self actualized in the sense of individualism and capitalism) is not the feminist of Dr. bell hooks in my opinion. Check out her critique of Beyoncé where she calls her a terrorist.

hooks’ feminist is not the hypothetical woman breaking down men for not subscribing to their imaginary idea of the imperialist, white supremacist, capitalist patriarchal (less-so) man, either (i.e. the high-value man). This “feminist” caricature of a person scares most men because of the idea of the shift in power dynamics. If anything, the male response to this idea of feminism is the same response white people had to the idea of Black power in the early days of the movement and even now. However, in my opinion, Dr. bell hooks’ ultimate feminist goal has less to do with re-distributing power from men to women. It is more about a redesign to the way in which the system shares and allocates power among all people. It’s about love at the end of the day, and love does not tear people down. It builds them up.

Feminism is “a movement to end sexist domination and exploitation and to challenge patriarchy…” —Dr. bell hooks.

Feminism is an important intersection to understanding how the patriarchy values and de-values certain men and women, how it creates and enforces these gender roles, and why some violence is tolerated while others are strictly forbidden. This is my basic understanding of it. I, for one, have come to find some comfort in learning to appreciate and engage with Dr. bell hooks’ feminism. Here is where I hope men in the manosphere find a sense of understanding as well. If the popular ones would simply engage with this material and add another keen insight into their overstanding of the gender differences, dating practices, and gender orientation, I believe these men could be on the forefront of truly imparting knowledge and change. We need our brothers and sisters, even the damaged ones, and it is with love that we must lead. 

THIS DOES NOT ABSOLVE ME of the acts of violence I have enacted towards other men, women, and queer people, but to me it provides a roadmap for better understanding myself and the world around me in order to do better. To paraphrase the late Dr. bell hooks, consciously choosing to be an intellectual helps to define the world around you and the forces at play, but it does not stop you from dealing with the realities of it whatsoever. There is so much more for me to accomplish and do, but like I mentioned in the “Never Miss the Water, Till The Well Runs Dry” article, like grief, the lens of feminism has given me a different perspective to see with, and I hope it would give you one, too.

Welcome Back…

Okay so some man learned about an already well-known feminist critic and decided to write something to tell people about this… 

No, a man found liberation in a theory and decided to share this with other people. I believe feminism can liberate men just as it could liberate women, queer folks, and everyone else. For so long, I have felt the pressure from the men and women around me who noticed me growing up outside the norm. I have felt it from friends who have internally questioned my being, my purpose, and my intention around them. I have felt it from romantic partners who have wondered about my actions or inactions. I have felt it from strangers who question my manhood or my appearance. I have even felt it from myself when I wonder if I am not good enough, strong enough, man enough, straight enough, powerful enough, etc. I’ve come to a place of understanding that helps me to see the origin of these thoughts and helps me to know I am not to blame nor am I inherently at fault in my being. Any actions I have taken from these thoughts are my responsibility and I take my healing seriously, but I am not the cause. I am simply an impressionable actor in this system who is choosing to see the forces at play to understand more fully my role as an individual. 

I implore those of you who are deeply entrenched in the manosphere to see this in your own life. How has patriarchy impacted you and how you view yourself? How you treat others? Would you be willing to step outside the box momentarily — to relieve yourself of duty — to assess the position, privilege, and power, or lack thereof, that you hold? It may not solve the issues around us, but it may grant you a little peace as you move through this imperialist, white supremacist, capitalist, patriarchy of the world. Hopefully, feminism could help you, too…

Meet the Writer

Nyles Pollonais graduated from The University of Michigan in 2021 with a Masters of Arts in Design and Technology for Learning. He is a writer, entrepreneur, musician, and future educator who spends most of his time focusing on content creation and current events. He is currently developing his digital presence and promoting his first EP titled “First,” streaming soon on all platforms.