Reinventing Yourself
By Nyles Pollonais
As defined by Encyclopedia Britannica, ego is “that portion of the human personality which is experienced as the ‘self’ or ‘I’ and is in contact with the external world through perception.”
Ego guides the actions and inactions of the person to gain its own satisfaction and to sustain its own appetite. It can be associated with a negative way of being in today’s society because of its relation to self-esteem and arrogance, i.e. egotistic. A quick search on YouTube for the word ‘ego’ will provide one with titles like Dissolve Your Ego, Silence Your Ego, and Mr. Ego Only Comes Out When You’re Nasty. This leads one to wonder, where did it come from and where does it go? Ego can be created through common social interactions and circumstances. Situations like childhood upbringing, friendships and social circles, even jobs and professional experiences can lead to the development and manipulation of the ego. Personal successes and failures in all departments of human life can contribute to the fluctuations in one’s ego. Overtime, the ego has the potential to become the only driving force responsible for the actions a person makes. This, in turn, can result in the creation of an unfavorable and unrecognizable personality that seems to drift farther and farther away from the person at their core. So when the topic of reinventing oneself comes into question, it is so important to consider one’s ego in that reinvention. Who are you without your ego and are you willing to let it’s harmful aspects go to become the person you want to be — the person you were always meant to be.
I was asked to write about reinventing myself, and the idea of the ego was the first thing that struck me. As I write this currently, the world is in the midst of the COVID-19 pandemic, and I can’t help but feel like this crisis is the perfect time to reinvent oneself, to reinvent the world, and to dismantle the harmful parts of our egos. For the first time in my life, and the lives of the generations before me, we are all forced to socially physically distance and do nothing until this pandemic ends while we wash our hands. We are in essence wiping the slate clean, tabula rasa. Good thing is, doing nothing allows for mindfulness and the time to self-reflect!
While much of the populous pursues the remnants of the world we once knew, I ponder the idea of the post-COVID-19 world. There is no doubt that what we see of our new world on the horizon will resemble nothing that we have left behind. No longer will governments be able to say that they do not have the money to allocate to certain projects without historical scrutiny. No longer will employers be able to force their employees to come into an office like setting when working from home would only be a memory away. No longer will professors and teachers be able to measure class attendance by physical appearance when students graduate from home. No longer will one’s position in life be considered less than another’s because of the roles they play — the CEO of Walmart versus the employee of Walmart, for example. Changes like these and others that the coronavirus has brought to our world has unintentionally forced the reinvention of the state of our society, and in my opinion for the better. On a macro level, this pandemic has shattered the ego this neo-liberal world has long maintained.
On a micro level, this pandemic has allowed me the time to focus on the self and its relation to the ego. I often compared myself and my successes to those around me and the standards set by society for a 25 year old. In a sense, I felt as if that comparison was justified. Looking back, I was raised in the ‘No Child Left Behind’ era. We were all supposed to reach some sort of individual capitalist success, whatever that’s supposed to mean. And in certain instances I’d reached that. After graduating from college, I was blessed to choose a career path that was uniquely my own. I wanted to be the trendsetter, the leader of the pack so to speak. As I look back, I can see how much my own ego played into the roles and positions I took in life only to keep up with the grand idea of the self that I had created within the ego. If I was not the best, the only, the crafter of my own path, then I felt as if I was nothing.
It was only up to a few months ago — when I was applying to graduate school, struggling with a relationship, and contemplating moving back to New York — that I had to stop and ask myself a serious question: How much would getting into graduate school, succeeding in my personal life, or living in the city make me feel as if I was truly fulfilled? Essentially, would I be fulfilling myself, or would I be fulfilling the endless expectations set by my ego? Were these options and pressures fueling my dreams and goals, or were they fueling my inflated sense of self? Were they uniquely internal or even external? Some decisions were truly my own, but a majority of others were only fueling my ego.
“...This pandemic has shattered the ego this neo-liberal world has long maintained. ”
As a first-gen, it is important to demonstrate full control over one’s life and direction, especially when ancestors seemingly carved their own path. Ego, familial tradition, and expectation are all tangled in a complex way that makes one feel less than self-actualized if their path is not individually pioneered. I tried out entrepreneurship, for example. Besides trying to change the world, I wanted to be looked upon favorably by my colleagues, friends, and family. I wanted people to see the success roll off of me. In some ways, my ego served to my detriment in this process, and I chose to reinvent myself, once again. As I continue on this journey, I take into consideration whether I’m making a choice out of selfishness, necessity, or interest. It is not a simple process, but it can be a rewarding one in times where it’s possible to learn from your ups and your downs. It’s like reaching a new level, but there is no finish line. It’s on-going.
Now, I am in no way, shape, or form a new person with a relinquished ego who is completely selfless. However, moving forward, it is important to consider mindfulness in the decisions and choices I make. As I reinvent myself, I let go of former standards, some that were not even my own to begin with. In colloquial terms, I “get back in my own lane.” It’s important to break subconscious familial expectations that guide many of our innate decisions, too. It takes time and careful observation of yourself, your family members, and even some close friends to recognize these traits and start to decide which ones are toxic and which ones are potentially beneficial.
In reinventing oneself it is also good to try to eliminate all external influences. Letting go of social media competitors, unrealistic expectations, and the fear of failure is a necessary step on the path of reinvention. Sure, that is much easier said than done, and for me, personally, it’s been a tough back and forth. Sometimes you can only connect with that person through Facebook, sometimes shooting for the stars lands you on the moon, sometimes the fear of failure fuels your need to succeed, right? Well that’s why I said, “try.”
Reinventing oneself is recognizing the harmful egotistical traits that were personally damaging, relinquishing the idea that it’s possible to change the past, and putting oneself in the position to grow and to evolve freely. I like to think of it as becoming the better version of the person I was yesterday. This pursuit brings its own sets of morals and values that will need to be established and abided by in order to achieve the success that the person sees for themselves — not familial ideas of success, not friends’ ideas of success, not society’s ideas of success, and definitely not the combination of any of those ideas. And even though you are relinquishing external influences, it’s not always about you. One must always consider how they treat those around them.
From a personal point of view, I like to think of reinvention in the context of my upbringing. Growing up, I was not raised with a present father in my life. Noticing this, I realized there was a gap missing - a missing page from an instruction manual, if you will. Early on, it was difficult growing into a man, when I had no idea of what type of man I was supposed to be. This circumstance however, became the biggest blessing I could have never seen coming. Just like reinventing oneself, I had the opportunity to observe the examples of the men in my life — the grandfathers, uncles, cousins, family friends, and colleagues — and choose which traits I found favorable to adopt into my own being. Some traits fit like a perfect pair of jeans, others felt like wearing shoes too large for my feet. Some traits I already had within. For any person interested in reinventing themselves, it’s important for them to take their time and to be considerate of themselves in their development. This process can be like the change of the seasons, and it is unique in every person. Metaphorically speaking, December doesn’t always mean cold and wintry on every part of our planet.
In conclusion, the idea of reinvention is that there is no end point. Reinvention is a cyclical journey that takes effort, mindfulness, willingness, and forgiveness. Celebrate your victories, acknowledge your failures, accept yourself for the imperfectly perfect human you are, and never give up.
Meet the Writer
Nyles Pollonais graduated from New York University in 2018 with a Bachelor of Arts in Political Science. He is a writer, entrepreneur, musician, and future educator who spends most of his time focusing on political theory and current events. He encourages you to take a look at his company, Binary Aeon, and the work they're doing to protect individual data rights and online privacy.
