Unpopular Op-Ed: I Hate Fall

By Jessica Wise

TW: Seasonal Depression

I’m just going to be honest. I hate fall. And winter.

Sure, I love pumpkin spice lattes and sweatshirts as much as the next person. But to be honest, all those comforts are just highlight reels that help me get through the season. That’s often what I find myself doing when it starts cooling off – just getting through. Like the other girlies who want to like their bath bombs, pop music, and other “basic bitch” stuff in peace, I too would like to just despise the cold season without being asked “But whyyyyyyy?” every year. 

But, I know I will see no peace until I share my totally justified reasons why the cozy season is everything but comfortable to me:

Daylight Savings Ends

The fact that it’s dark outside before I even finish work not only makes me sad, but it makes me afraid. While some women are comfortable going on errands once it’s dark outside, that is not a risk I’m willing to take. I’m a woman living alone in the number one city for human trafficking, and none of the powers that be will come looking for my Black ass if I turn up missing. Plus, I live in Buckhead. Darker days and holidays mean more robberies in general, but they tend to spike around that time in my area. It’s safest to move in the light of day.

While not going on errands after dark has always been a rule of mine, shorter days limit my time to getting things outside the house done, which creates stress. I’m scrambling trying to stay ahead of the moon and inevitably end up metaphorically howling at it instead of beating it.

This Is My Business’s Last Chance for the Year

Like any business, once you hit Q4, either you’ve met the goals or you haven’t. And chances to turn things around are fewer and farther between. It’s the final stretch, the hail Mary, or whatever you want to call it. I’m proud of what my business does every year, but it’s around this time where I not only see the wins but the losses too. Sometimes the losses are harder to grapple with, and I only have so much time to get a new plan in place before we hit the new year, all while striving to make the most of the year that’s left. Somebody spike my hot cider!

I Fall Off My Fitness

Holidays tend to be a challenging time for everyone when it comes to fitness. For me, my challenge isn’t overeating. It’s under-exercising. I’m a fire sign, and I’m ruled by the sun. It gives me the energy I need to go out and chase my goals. When it’s cold and rainy (because, welcome to Georgia!) and already pitch black, the last thing I want to do is move my body. Obviously, that’s not a healthy way to live, but I feel guilty either way. Am I dishonoring my body by not giving it the extra downtime it wants? Am I playing into fatphobic culture? Or am I just making excuses for not taking control of my body and my health? Yes to all of these.

I’m Expected to Be Merry & Bright When Nature Is Actively Seemingly Dying

Am I the only one confused as to why we’re supposed to be extra jolly when outside is clearly closed? The birds are hiding. The flowers stop blooming. The trees shed. Sure, none of these things are dead, but the world is so quiet without them. Not to mention, nature is dying. With the way climate change is going, who knows how many bees will actually rejoin us in spring? “Merry and bright” gets shoved down our throats to keep us working for the man, to keep us buying things, and to keep people like me feeling bad for not being merry enough. And it all starts with that first leaf falling.

Holidays Are Getting Smaller

In 2020, I wrote an article about the things people didn’t tell us about our twenties. One thing no one told us was that a lot of people in our lives were going to die. Consequently, those same people won’t be at holiday events, and they never will be again. My family’s Thanksgiving went from 10-15 people to finally just us four. I’ll never have my grandmother’s turkey again, or hold my uncle’s hand for prayer, or make sure not to step on my dog’s tail when he slipped under my chair at meal times. I’m so grateful to have everyone who is still here with me, but the bulk of family gatherings happen during the cold weather seasons and remind me of who’s missing.

Cozy Clothes Are NOT That Cozy

Listen…I’m a curvy girl and I HATE wearing pants. And I’m a professional woman, so I can’t show up to these networking events in leggings. Fall and winter means I have two fashion switches–I either have to dress like a Real Housewife of New York City or I’m in sweats. The actually cozy choice is typically only appropriate at home. And if you tell me you’re comfy and cozy running around in boots, tights/jeans/leggings, a whole turtleneck, and the undergarments they require ALL DAY, I simply don’t believe you.

I’m Expected (& Need) to Finish Strong When I Should Be Hibernating

We are mammals, and we’re made up primarily of water. Therefore, we’re affected by the moon, whose face we see more than the sun’s during the cold weather months. Remember, I’m ruled by the sun. Instinctually, I’m inclined to gather my food and hide in my cave like the rest of the mammals do this time of year, but instead I’m meeting corporate margins. I’m scrambling to make final deadlines, showing my face for everyone who needs me, and making sure my house is in order before I start leaving for days on end. And I have to do it all before January 1st. I’m blessed to be able to do all these things, and I want to do them. But dammit I also want to build a pillow fort and stay there until it’s sunny again.

I’m going to miss the sun on my face, the heat inviting me to get outside and move, and being barefoot in the grass. 

Burn me at the stake like the witches in Hocus Pocus. I said what I said, and I’m not changing on it. *Nene Leakes voice* But if you happen to be like me, or even understand the horror and dread I’m feeling about the coming cold months, leave me a comment and let us unite!