5 Ways to Improve Your Self-Talk & Overcome Perfectionism
By Christy Renee
When we set impossible standards, our self-talk transforms. Every situation becomes an opportunity to be let down, to feel like we’re not enough. While these high expectations, or perfectionism, can feel noble in the moment, they actually inhibit our ability to feel worthy and make critical decisions. If you find yourself saying “I wish, I need, I want, I don’t have'' and you battle feelings of never being good enough, don’t despair. Keep reading to learn five key ways to improve your self-talk and overcome perfectionism.
The Perfectionist Trap
Think about the last time you achieved a goal. Did you take time to bask in your accomplishments or did you feel satisfied for like, a second before focusing on the next thing you needed to get done? If you’re anything like me, your high standards encourage you to rush to the next thing instead of celebrating yourself and how far you’ve come.
When we make the mistake of having impossibly high expectations, we end up feeling let down. This happened to me recently. Several months ago I closed on a beautiful new home that ticked all the boxes on my vision board. I was so appreciative at first. I loved everything about my new home and couldn’t believe my luck. But as time went on, I began to fixate on what needed to be done, what I didn’t have, and what I wished things were like instead. Instead of feeling proud of my accomplishment—purchasing a gorgeous home in a desirable zip for less than appraised value in the most competitive market in history—I started to feel weighed down, overwhelmed, powerless, and ungrateful. I went from joyous and having everything to miserable and needing everything within a few weeks. The house hadn’t changed; only my mindset had.
How to Overcome Perfectionism
As I write this, I’m happy to say I’ve returned to a state of gratitude and no longer feel burdened. There’s still an overwhelming amount of things that “need to be done,” but because I’ve worked to improve my self-talk, I feel happy and whole even though things are far from “perfect.”
If you can relate to feelings of insecurity and overwhelm and think perfectionist tendencies could be to blame, you may benefit from the methods below.
The first step in overcoming perfectionism is acknowledging it for what it is: a habit that holds us back.
The next is replacing a lack mindset with one of abundance. The easiest way to do that is by raising our emotional state. The emotional guidance scale by Abraham Hicks can help.
Let’s give it a try now. Straighten your posture, uncross your legs, plant your feet firmly on the floor and close your eyes. Drop inward and take a few deep breaths. Focus your awareness in your heart or stomach and evaluate what you’re feeling in this moment. Compare it to the chart. Do you see your feeling or a comparable emotion on the scale? Is it part of the downward spiral or the upward?
If you’ve been stuck in the perfectionist trap, chances are you’re living with emotions in the downward spiral. The good news is, we have the power to raise our state and leave negative emotions in exchange for higher ones.
5 Ways to Raise Your Emotional State & Improve Your Self-Talk:
Replace words of lack with words of abundance.
We all know Einstein discovered E=mc2, but did you know that scientific theory led to the collapse of our previous understanding of reality?With the discovery of quantum physics, we learned our thoughts send a signal into space and our emotions draw an event into our lives to match our emotional frequency. In other words, what we think and feel directly creates our reality. Start noticing how often you say or think “lack” words and work to replace them.
Lack Words: I need, I wish, I want. They don’t, I won’t, I can’t.
Abundance Words: I enjoy, I appreciate, I love. We do, I will, I can.
Lower your expectations.
The first time I heard low expectations are the key to happiness, I didn’t know what to think. Low expectations sounded like low standards, which felt like low self-worth. In fact, it couldn’t be more opposite: the lower our expectations, the higher our self-worth. With low expectations, we broadcast the signal we are happy and whole without needing anything external to get us there. We are enough.
Try this mindset shift: Instead of expecting to get something perfect on the first attempt, imagine you must create 100 pieces of crap before you complete anything you’re happy with. You’ll feel proud when you get it way before a hundred.
Extend your timeline.
You’re ambitious and probably pride yourself on your ability to achieve things fast. But when the pressure to have it all done now starts to infringe on your overall happiness, it’s time to extend your timeline. Say you wanted something done by July—try budgeting for completion by September instead and notice how spacious you feel.
Balance your root chakra.
When we don’t feel grounded it’s easy to turn to external validation in order to feel worthy. The problem with using accomplishments to feel validated is that the feeling will only ever be fleeting. Work on root chakra balancing exercises to strengthen your intuition and inner compass.
Redefine your “goals.”
The more ambitious we are, the bigger the goals we set. But big goals, without baby goals making them up, are a recipe for overwhelm. When feeling the heavy weight of perfectionism and overwhelm, revisit your goals and make them so simple you cannot fail. You may be surprised at the surge of energy that comes from reframing your goals.
Try replacing the big, overwhelming goals like “becoming a NY Times’ bestselling author” with a baby goals to empower yourself and build momentum: “Today, I will fold the towels.” “Today, I will put on mascara.” “Today, I will do one thing for myself.”
Perfectionism is a form of self-sabotage—the more we wish for things to be perfect, the higher expectations we have and the worse we feel. The techniques outlined above are tried and true methods for overcoming perfectionism so you can stress less and feel more confident and capable daily.
Have you tried any of these methods before? Let us know in the comments!
Meet Christy Renee and learn how to write persuasive content for your customers at our Copy That Converts Workshop! Get your tickets and save the date for Saturday, April 29th.
Meet the Writer
Christy Renee is an associate creative director for Definition6 agency and specializes in personal and professional development for clients like Mindvalley, The Offbeat Life, and more. When she’s not writing, you can find her creating mosaic art from recycled bottles, offshore fishing with her family, or training her new puppy, Tank.
